Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
