Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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