He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
