hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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