I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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