Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How does it feel to date your dad?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
