I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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