I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
