she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
