if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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