Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
