So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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