My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
