Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
