I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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