she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
