we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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