The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ketchup is God's man juice
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
