I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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