this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
