Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
