therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
