upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
