The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
