Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
