i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have post one night stand depression
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
