Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
