ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
