Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
