So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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