she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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