im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
