I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
