I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
