I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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