It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
