The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
