i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh god it's open bar.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
