Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
