zippers are such a cool invention
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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