can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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