Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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