So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
