I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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