I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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