I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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