if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
