I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
