Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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