I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
