Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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