why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
