I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
