i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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