Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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