Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
